5 Things I Would Share With a New Mom

Photos in this blog post are by the amazing Katie Prestemon Photography!

My youngest woke up this morning and told me I forgot to put his pull-up on him overnight and he was dry! He was so excited, anxious to start wearing underwear to bed. I knew the days of pull-ups were coming to an end, and although I was excited to not have that reoccurring expense in our budget, the end of any kind of diaper is a vivid reminder that the baby years come and go in a flash. But ….while you’re in the thick of it? It may feel like it will last forever.

Motherhood is messy, magical, and a little overwhelming, especially in the beginning. As my youngest tells me he is a big boy now (just turned 4!)… I look back at the years of the sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, and the emotional rollercoaster that is motherhood.

There’s so much advice out there for new moms, but I wanted to share 5 things I personally wish someone would have told me as a new mom. I remember getting all the books, to perfect everything from sleep training to eating…but it left me stressed and never feeling like I was doing it good enough.

So, looking back, here are 5 things I’d share with a new mom that I wish someone had shared with me.

1. Forget Perfect, Aim for Good Enough. And Don’t compare yourself to other moms.

The pressure to be the "perfect mom" is everywhere—from Instagram to family to friends. So many picture-perfect photos swarm the internet!!! The cute outfits for every occasion, the full-blown first birthday party, the spotless and minimalistic home. But let me tell you, perfect doesn’t exist. And it shouldn’t exist!!!! Your baby doesn’t care if the laundry isn’t folded or if dinner is frozen pizza or if their clothes match. Not to mention whether they are wearing a cute outfit. By my third, he basically lived in a onesie for his first year because I realized what he wore didn’t matter. What matters is that you’re showing up, loving them, and doing your best. As a new mom, you will look at others and think they are doing all the things and also doing it better than you can. Try not to do that!!!! When I had my first baby, I spent so much time trying to keep up with all of the advice and even felt guilty using store-bought baby food!!! Looking back, I wish I’d given myself permission to embrace the chaos a little more and just do what I could at that time - and not try to do what everyone else was doing. We all have different lives, resources, help, etc. What you see on the internet is not the whole picture. The best I could do was good enough!!!!

To help cut out the noise that is bringing you down, unfollow social media accounts that leave you feeling like you are not good enough. I had to do this to help my own anxiety of whether I was doing things the “right way.”

2. Take Care of You, Too!

This one is SO important!!!!! It’s so easy to lose yourself in motherhood, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Even if it’s just five minutes with a cup of coffee or a solo walk around the block, find something that fills your tank. I walked almost every day pushing my kids in the stroller, especially when they were babies. I began to really look forward to it, too, as they would nap while I walked. One time, my husband mentioned that I was doing it because I wanted to walk, not because they wanted to. It felt like I was being selfish. Because he was right, I was doing it for me. Because I needed to walk, and if I didn’t take them, I wouldn’t fit it in. It was for my own self-care and that is just good enough a reason for me to take that walk!!!! It helps calm me and also be a better mom. Because I need to take care of myself first, in order to take care of my kids.

Other ways to take care of yourself is to have your spouse watch the kids so you can take a shower. Or go to an early morning workout class. Or have a dinner out with your friends. We need to fill our cups too and, in the end, it raises our spirits, and it makes for a better experience all around, in motherhood and your life!! Never feel like you are being selfish for working out or taking care of yourself!!

3. Your Baby Isn’t the Only One Learning. And We don’t have to know it all.

What is crazy hard about your first child is that you go home with your new baby and literally have no idea what you are doing or what the future holds. Every month is something new and you learn as you go and as they grow. It’s all so new, each stage is so new… and that is what makes having your first baby so hard!!! The adjustment to things you have never done before and not knowing what to expect. If you have more kids, it’s not as new and I think that’s why many find the next ones so much easier, there is less unknown, you know the sleepless nights will end and you know what to expect with each milestone.

As a new mom, remember that you’re learning just as much as your baby. You’re figuring out how to soothe them, how to balance your time, and how to be the mom you want to be. And guess what? It’s okay to make mistakes along the way!! That is being human and that is how we grow and learn! And sometimes that image of how you pictured it to be, isn’t always reality… and that is OKAY!

The things you mess up on, you have to just laugh about it. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter at all and is just part of the journey. You’re going to get better at it every day. Give yourself grace to grow. Motherhood is not supposed to be perfect. It’s a journey!

4. Don’t feel guilty for working.

This was a big one for me. I have always worked outside of being a mom (which is a full-time job in itself!!!), both before and after kids. And I would be lying if I said it was no big deal when I went back to work. It felt like a HUGE deal and I had a lot of mom guilt for about 2 years after my first was born. Guilt for doing daycare, guilt for being gone so much during the week, guilt for switching to formula because pumping was too hard. I used to sit in the backseat of the car so I could hold her hand and be with her more when we would take her to daycare. Because I was worried I wasn’t with her enough!!

Here is the thing. One - we are doing the best we can and our kids see that. Now, my kids see me working. I am home a lot more because I have jobs that are more flexible now… but I still work. And that is okay for us to do!! We have passions and talents to give to this world, that can still happen as a mom! What our kids care about is our love, how we make them feel and to know we are always there for them. And trust me… they see and feel that!!!

And also - if you don’t work outside the home… always remember that motherhood is a FULL-TIME job!! Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise, it’s the hardest job there is!!!! Whether you are a full-time mom or also work outside the home, they are both important and should be seen and valued the same way. And that starts with all of us and how we treat each other.

5. Find Joy in the Little Moments

This is an important one!!! Most days will be very ordinary days. But you will look back and realize that those were actually the most special days!!! When it is just you and baby, with no big plans but to just hang and be with each other, that is actually a very special day. With my first baby, my favorite memory was the morning walks we would take in the park or to coffee. Just me and her. It’s those little moments that you’ll cherish most. The view of her sleeping as I pushed her in the stroller. Another one of my favorite memories is baking with my kids at home. It’s messy, sure, but letting them stir and measure and mix the batter reminds me to slow down and savor these times. It may just be an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, but baking in the kitchen suddenly turned the Tuesday into a special one.

When we enjoy the little, simple moments - that make up most of our life - we begin to enjoy life even more.

If you are a new mom? I hope some of these tips were helpful! If you have a tip to share, comment below!

And follow me at @urban.apron and we can connect over motherhood there!